[Crack-smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford wears a Denver Broncos jersey at a press conference about something non-sports related, definitively proving that the Seahawks deserve to win the Super Bowl. h/t NewsBreaker] » 1/28/14 12:08am 1/28/14 12:08am

New York Gives Sean Hannity the Finger With Daily Show Musical Number

Tonight, The Daily Show bid Sean Hannity a heartfelt "please, get out of our state" after Andrew Cuomo questioned the place of extreme conservatives in New York. » 1/28/14 12:02am 1/28/14 12:02am

Chicago Will Feel Like -45 Tonight. Here's How To Prepare Yourself.

NBC Chicago reports that it might feel like -45 degrees tonight in the Chicago area, which is really, obscenely cold. Although a certain member of the Gawker staff thinks factors like "wind chill" are beefed-up "fraudulent numbers" designed to make you either a) stay inside forever or b) feel like a big ol' badass for… » 1/27/14 11:38pm 1/27/14 11:38pm

Man Runs Into Burning House to Save Xbox

Today in "silly things people do around fire" comes the tale of one man from Olathe, Kansas, who ran back into his burning house to save his Xbox. » 1/27/14 10:35pm 1/27/14 10:35pm

Madden NFL 25—a game that thinks it can accurately predict the outcome of football games even though it totally said the 49ers would beat the Seahawks a few weeks ago and that didn't happen—predicts that the Denver Broncos will win the Super Bowl. » 1/27/14 10:11pm 1/27/14 10:11pm

New York Times: "Pizza Is Meh"

Today, The New York Times posted a defense of their inclusion of "pizza" on the "Meh List," which they call "a much-beloved and much-maligned part of the One Page Magazine." Up until now, I was unaware that the "Meh List" was "much-anything," but now that the Grey Lady herself has dragged pizza into the mix, I must… » 1/27/14 9:36pm 1/27/14 9:36pm

One Percenter Brags About His Watch During Holocaust Letter Apology

After experiencing immense backlash for writing a letter comparing the treatment mega-rich in America today to the persecution of Jews during Nazi Germany, Tom Perkins is furiously backpedaling — or at least, attempting to do so. » 1/27/14 8:46pm 1/27/14 8:46pm

Why Would Anyone Say Yes to This Terrifying Police-Themed Proposal?

Most proposal videos are really awful, but that's because they're annoying. This one happens to be more on the "horrifying and baffling" side of the proposal spectrum — horrifying because of the unbridled terror and loud sobbing, baffling because she says yes at the end. » 1/27/14 7:48pm 1/27/14 7:48pm

Professor Makes Up Fake Theft In Attempt To Hide Porn

It's okay to look at porn, and it's okay to have a work computer, but you probably shouldn't combine the two and then lie to police about it. » 1/21/14 12:26am 1/21/14 12:26am

Bundle up, folks: Polar Vortex Part II is coming, and it's going to last for a week or more. Hopefully we'll see fewer frozen pee/boiling water fails this time around. » 1/20/14 9:59pm 1/20/14 9:59pm

High School Senior Suspended for Starring in Gay Porn

A high school senior from Brevard County, Florida, was suspended last week for creating a "campus disturbance." His crime? Starring in a gay porn video on SeanCody.com [NSFW]. » 1/20/14 8:56pm 1/20/14 8:56pm

New Fake Trend: Middle Schoolers Snorting Smarties

Now parents have one more (probably fake) young-people trend to worry about: kids these days are apparently crushing up Smarties and snorting them. Surprisingly, there is no high from crushing up colored sugar and sticking it up your nose, but that hasn't stopped middle schoolers across the country from doing it.… » 1/20/14 7:15pm 1/20/14 7:15pm

Chill Bro Reacts to High School Murder Plot: "Killing People Is Heavy"

Last week, a 17-year-old boy was arrested in Topeka, Kansas, for planning to shoot two police officers and two administrators at his high school. That story is awful, but at least something good came from the event: a few local news reporters introduced us to the chillest high school bro, like, ever. » 1/20/14 6:23pm 1/20/14 6:23pm

Lawyer "Doesn't Know Why There's Outrage" Over Her Cat-Eating Client

Cody A. Mann, a 28 year old man from Minnesota, was charged last week with two felony counts of animal cruelty and torture after admitting to killing, skinning, and baking his pet cat. » 1/13/14 5:30pm 1/13/14 5:30pm

UNC Counselor Gets Death Threats for Saying Athletes Can't Read

On Wednesday, CNN published a report about the literacy levels amongst college athletes from 37 public universities across America. Part of the data came from Mary Willingham, an academic counselor at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill, who has worked with student athletes since 2003. » 1/12/14 2:46pm 1/12/14 2:46pm